LETTER: A letterbox with the inscription Letter to the editor

My Dear American Comrades, 

We are informed though our international sources that many of you are upset by the tens of thousands of American lives that have been lost due to COVID-19. We understand your outrage, but would also ask that you understand the position of The People’s Republic of China. 

We would first like to state that launching a global pandemic of this proportion was never our intent. Its release was an accident. Yes, we were studying plague viruses; but only sought to be prudent. We saw the need to prepare ourselves in case the next world conflict was fought on biological battlefields. 

And so, you may ask, “Why didn’t you inform the international community of a potentially lethal biological threat?” Well, quite simply, it was not in our interest to do so. And besides, we merely did what you would have done; we put our country first regardless of the consequence to others. Admittedly, not informing an unsuspecting world population was morally reprehensible, but moral consequence does not guide our actions. 

We, like the United States, were initially ill-prepared to deal with the virus and needed to cover-up its spread to avoid panic and gain time to devise a response. To achieve this end, we utilized oppressive civil discipline and a local/global misinformation campaign. This gained us the time needed to amass the resources necessary to combat the virus from both domestic and international markets. We were successful in this approach, while you were not. 

We also needed time to complete many international objectives while positioning ourselves to best absorb the likely fallout. Consequently, The People’s Republic of China, has successfully weathered the first wave of COVID-19. As of the date of this letter, we have recorded 83,000 cases with only 4,600 deaths, as compared with 1.3 million cases in the U.S. and 80,000 deaths. Those numbers speak for themselves. 

It is a pity that you delayed acting with a sense of urgency; even though all the early warning signs were evidential. But that was your choice. You ignored the science, responded flaccidly, and failed to mobilize a national response. Surely, you must assume some responsibility for the results of your own ambivalence and ineptitude? 

We hope this explanation helps assuage the anger you must feel. Again, we regret our part as the origin of the virus and only have the highest esteem for your illustrious President and the people of the United States. 

In closing I would add; we look forward to selling you the products that you will need to further combat the COVID-19 pandemic. 


Xi Jinping 

State Chairperson 

The People’s Republic of China 

(As dictated to Don Bachmann, Marshall)

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(2) comments


Is this a joke dear comrade Bachman? Spreading vile communist Chinese propaganda about the origins of the Wuhan virus and the benevolent actions of the Chinese communist party? Good grief. I guess the only thing that surprises me is that you haven’t wrapped it one of your usual condescending fables.


Also, given how long we've heard from Bachmann and in light of his previous posts about how much he believes in the "Russian Hoax," I wanted to ask him how he's liking the facts now that are rolling out about the duplicitous actions of the Obama administration and who really colluded with the Russians?

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